Have you ever encountered someone using "she/they" pronouns and felt a moment of uncertainty? Navigating the complexities of gender identity and expression can sometimes feel daunting, but understanding and respecting individual pronouns is paramount in fostering inclusive and welcoming environments. The use of pronouns like "she/they" represents a shift towards greater awareness and sensitivity, allowing individuals to express themselves authentically and be acknowledged in a way that feels true to their identity.
In a world striving for inclusivity, understanding gender identity and preferred pronouns is no longer optional, but a fundamental aspect of respectful communication. Using the correct pronouns validates an individual's sense of self and contributes to a more affirming and supportive social landscape. Misgendering someone, even unintentionally, can be hurtful and invalidating. Therefore, it’s crucial to equip ourselves with the knowledge and understanding needed to navigate these conversations with empathy and respect.
What do she/they pronouns really mean, and how should I use them?
When should "she" be used versus "they" for a single person?
Use "she" when referring to a person who identifies as female and prefers she/her pronouns. Use "they" when referring to a person who identifies as non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, or doesn't identify within the traditional gender binary, *and* who uses they/them pronouns, or when someone's pronouns are unknown or you wish to avoid making assumptions about their gender.
Using someone's correct pronouns is a sign of respect and affirms their identity. It's important to remember that pronouns are a personal choice and should be respected, regardless of your understanding or beliefs about gender identity. If you are unsure of someone's pronouns, it is always best to ask politely, for example, "What pronouns do you use?". Some people may also include their pronouns in their email signature or on social media profiles. "They" as a singular pronoun has a long history in the English language and is grammatically correct. It's increasingly common to use "they/them" pronouns to refer to individuals, and it's important to adapt your language accordingly. Practice using they/them pronouns in your everyday speech and writing to become more comfortable and inclusive. If you make a mistake, apologize briefly and correct yourself; dwelling on the error can draw unnecessary attention and cause further discomfort.How does using "they" as a singular pronoun impact grammar?
Using "they" as a singular pronoun primarily affects subject-verb agreement and pronoun agreement, requiring careful attention to ensure clarity and grammatical correctness. While traditionally "they" was exclusively plural, its acceptance as a singular pronoun necessitates using plural verb forms (e.g., "they are," not "they is") and ensuring subsequent pronouns referring back to the singular "they" also remain "they/them/their."
Expanding on this, the most common impact involves the verb conjugation. For instance, instead of saying "Someone is at the door, *he* is welcome," one would say "Someone is at the door, *they* are welcome." The verb "are" is the plural form, even though "they" refers to a single person in this context. This adjustment avoids gender assumptions and provides a more inclusive language option. Furthermore, when referring back to the individual, we use "them" and "their" accordingly: "Each student should bring their own lunch." Another point to consider is potential ambiguity. While singular "they" is becoming increasingly common and accepted, especially when gender is unknown or irrelevant, there are cases where using "they" could create confusion. In such situations, rephrasing the sentence for clarity or explicitly stating the subject is singular might be necessary. As language evolves, the use of singular "they" will likely become even more seamlessly integrated into standard grammatical practice.What are the potential misunderstandings when someone uses "she they"?
The primary misunderstanding surrounding "she they" pronouns stems from a lack of familiarity with neopronouns and the nuances of gender identity. People unfamiliar with inclusive pronoun usage may interpret "she they" as a grammatical error, a joke, or a sign of confusion about one's gender identity, rather than understanding it as a deliberate choice to express a more complex or fluid relationship with gender.
The user of "she they" pronouns identifies with both "she/her/hers" and "they/them/theirs." This often indicates that the person feels comfortable being referred to using either set of pronouns. The individual may feel a connection to femininity while also identifying as non-binary, genderfluid, or genderqueer. The dual pronoun usage isn't a compromise, but a genuine expression of their identity. It's crucial to respect and use the pronouns requested, as misgendering can be hurtful and invalidating. If unsure how to use both pronouns in a sentence, it’s always respectful to ask for clarification or examples. One common misconception is that "she they" users are indecisive or simply experimenting. This dismisses the intentionality behind their pronoun selection. Another misunderstanding arises from the perception that language is fixed and immutable. However, language evolves to reflect societal changes and evolving understandings of identity. Inclusive pronoun usage, including combinations like "she they," is part of that evolution. Furthermore, some people wrongly believe that using "they/them" for a single individual is grammatically incorrect, even though its been used as a singular pronoun for centuries in the English language. It's important to remember that pronoun usage is about respect and affirmation, not strict adherence to prescriptive grammar rules.What is the history behind using "they" as a singular pronoun?
The singular "they" has a surprisingly long and established history in the English language, dating back to the 14th century. It arose organically as a way to refer to a person of unspecified or unknown gender, or when gender is irrelevant.
Far from being a modern invention, singular "they" was used by prominent writers like Chaucer, Shakespeare, Austen, and Fielding. Its early usage filled a crucial gap in the language, providing a gender-neutral pronoun when "he" was considered exclusively masculine and "she" didn't apply. Consider a sentence like, "Everyone should bring their own lunch." Using "his" would exclude women, "her" would exclude men, and "his or her" is clunky. "Their" offers a concise and inclusive solution.
While always present in the language, the use of singular "they" has become more widely recognized and accepted in recent years. This resurgence is largely driven by increased awareness and understanding of gender diversity. It provides a respectful and accurate way to refer to individuals who identify as non-binary (neither exclusively male nor female) or who prefer not to be referred to by gendered pronouns. The increased visibility of non-binary identities has brought the utility and inclusivity of singular "they" to the forefront, leading to its formal adoption by many style guides and dictionaries. Therefore, "she they" is not standard English. A person may use "they/them" pronouns or "she/her" pronouns, but "she they" is not a recognized construction.
Why do some people prefer "she they" pronouns?
Some individuals use "she/they" pronouns as a way to express a gender identity that is both feminine and non-binary. It signifies that they are comfortable with both she/her and they/them pronouns, often feeling a connection to womanhood while also experiencing a sense of gender that extends beyond the traditional binary.
The preference for "she/they" pronouns can stem from various personal experiences and understandings of gender. For example, someone might identify as demigirl, meaning they partially, but not wholly, identify as a woman. Using both "she" and "they" pronouns allows them to acknowledge their connection to femininity while simultaneously recognizing their non-binary identity. It's a way to express nuance and complexity in their gender experience that singular pronoun sets might not fully capture. Furthermore, the choice of "she/they" pronouns can also be influenced by social context and personal comfort levels. An individual might use "she/her" pronouns more frequently in some situations where they feel it's safer or more easily understood, while also using "they/them" pronouns in spaces where they feel more comfortable expressing their full gender identity. Ultimately, the decision to use "she/they" pronouns is a personal one, reflecting an individual's unique understanding and expression of their gender.How do I respectfully use someone's "she they" pronouns in conversation?
Using "she/they" pronouns means alternating between using "she/her/hers" and "they/them/theirs" when referring to someone. The most respectful approach is to use both sets of pronouns fluidly and naturally in conversation. If you are unsure how to do this, actively practice incorporating both sets of pronouns when speaking about the person.
Think of it like referring to someone by their full name sometimes and a shortened nickname at other times. You don't need to use both sets of pronouns in every single sentence. Instead, vary your language. For example, you might say, "She went to the store, and they bought some milk." or "I admire her dedication; they always put in so much effort." The goal is to validate their identity by acknowledging and using both pronoun sets they've indicated are appropriate.
If you are unsure about how frequently to use each pronoun, or if you find yourself struggling to remember, it's always best to ask the person directly. A simple, respectful question like, "I want to make sure I'm using your pronouns correctly. Is there a preference for how often I use 'she' versus 'they'?" demonstrates your genuine effort and respect for their identity. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, especially when you're first learning. If you do slip up, correct yourself quickly and move on. A brief apology ("Sorry, she went...") is sufficient; dwelling on the error can draw unnecessary attention to it and make the person feel uncomfortable.
Is using "she they" pronouns a new trend, or has it been around for a while?
While increased visibility and discussion of "she/they" pronouns is relatively recent, the practice itself isn't entirely new. It represents a growing awareness and acceptance of gender fluidity and nonbinary identities, but individuals have likely used this combination for some time, even if not widely publicized.
The use of "she/they" pronouns generally indicates that a person is comfortable with being referred to as either "she" or "they." It suggests a fluidity in their gender identity or expression, or perhaps a preference for both sets of pronouns to be used interchangeably. It's crucial to respect an individual's stated pronouns, as doing so affirms their identity and promotes inclusivity. Misgendering, even unintentionally, can be hurtful and invalidating. The rise in visibility of "she/they" and other pronoun combinations reflects a broader societal shift towards greater understanding and acceptance of diverse gender identities. What was once a more private or individual practice is now becoming more openly discussed and recognized, contributing to a more inclusive and respectful environment for people of all gender identities. Learning and using someone's correct pronouns, regardless of how common or uncommon they may seem, is a fundamental act of respect.So, that's the gist of "she/they" pronouns! Hopefully, this has cleared up any confusion and given you a better understanding of how to use and respect them. Thanks for taking the time to learn, and feel free to swing by again if you have any more questions about pronouns or anything language-related. We're always happy to help!